From Pleasing to Receiving...

Have you ever worried about being too greedy? Or overly needy? Giving too little and taking too much? If this sits in your bones - as it has done and still can do for me - it may feel selfish to acknowledge our own needs, desires and dreams.

In certain countries, cultures and communities - especially those focused on service - this may be even more deeply engrained and, all the more so, for women raised as good girls. As such, tendencies to 'people-please' are often culture moving through us...

They're also a deep-seated strength gone awry - our capacity for empathy, loving, giving and for tuning into others' needs that's tipped out of balance.

There's something very addictive about people pleasing. It's a thought pattern and a habit that feels really, really good until it becomes desperate.

~ Anne Hathaway

Our Pleaser's tendencies try to gain us acceptance and affection indirectly by helping, rescuing or flattering others...

Here are some of its top beliefs to sabotage us:

• Be nice, to make sure others like you
• Be good and put others' needs first
• Your needs may drive others away
• If you don't rescue people, who will?
• Work hard to prove your worth
• Wait for permission to relax, rest and receive
  

I can't tell you the key to success,
but the key to failure is trying to please everyone.

~ Ed Sheeran

The Pleaser is likely in action if we find ourselves

• resentful for being taken for granted
• feeling guilty, obligated or manipulated
• upset by others who depend on us rather than taking care of themselves.

Acknowledging this without beating ourselves up, is key - as is the awareness that these patterns are deeply held in our bodies.

For lasting change, we need to ensure our nervous system feels safe to release them, gently empowering ourselves to find alternative possibilities:

• Practising receiving
• Asking for our needs directly
• Saying NO (as a YES to something else)
• Growing unconditional self-love
• Giving unconditionally (to ourselves and others)

These subtle, embodied and always self-directed shifts lie at the heart of my transformational coaching work.

Get in touch for any questions or to find out more.

Stop worrying what others think. Be who you know you are.
Consider the flower. It instinctively goes toward the light.
It doesn't spend time worrying if people will mistake it for a weed.
It doesn't worry if it's taking too much sun.
It wisely follows its primal flower gut instincts
to attain its highest level of flowerosity... 

~ Karen Salmansohn

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